first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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