I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
