his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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