I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
