I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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