is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
