It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
