I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
