Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
