i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
