fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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