I think i peed on brittanys purse
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
