It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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