I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
