if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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