i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
