I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
