Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
