i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
