I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
