I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
