paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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