I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
