i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
