i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
