She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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