you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
