so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
