I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
