We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
