Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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