Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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