i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
