when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
