Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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