So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
