Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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