sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
