great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
