I just threw up on my dentist
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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