saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
