just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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