after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
