My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
