so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
