My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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