The brown eye won't let me do that either.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Randomize
