I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
