um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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