Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
