I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
