I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
