You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
do nipples grow back?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
